Life with Sterling

TW: baby seizure, EEG.

December 10th, 2019

We were airlifted to CHLA in the morning and by the evening, Sterling was having a seizure every few minutes.

This was during an overnight EEG to monitor seizure activity. He had a monitor at the end of the bed and a camera recording him. I stood next to him and pressed a button whenever I saw a seizure. This would mark the place in the video so the Neurologist go back and see where his seizures might be.

I remember feeling sad when I first saw his little head all wrapped up like this. I remember taking this photo, thinking I would never share it or even go back to see it, but now, I’m just so thankful I have photos of him at all. I wish I had more- more videos, more photos, more time.

It’s easy for me to look past all the tubes and wires and wraps and just see my son. My sweet, little baby. It’s not exactly your typical photo of a swaddled newborn with a soft, cloth baby beanie on his head. But this was life with Sterling and I’m grateful for every minute of it.

I’m so proud of you, son. You’re absolutely beautiful. And I like your fancy ‘snow beanie’ you have there. Miss you so, so much, darling baby.

Little Hero

Dear Sterling, 

A piece of my heart went to heaven.  Pieces of yours live on.

Two children each received a heart valve from you and even though we didn’t get the miracle we were looking for, 2 other families will because of you.

Thank you for the gifts you’ve given, my sweet, little hero.  I am so proud of you. I love you.

Gone

As much as I wish I could be reporting a miracle, I have devastating news.  Our beautiful Sterling was ushered into heaven last night, while being snuggled in his daddy’s arms. This has been the most excruciating pain we’ve ever felt, but we also feel the Lord’s presence, His hand holding us together, and His strength, peace and comfort. 

Precious Sterling was born with a rare metabolic disorder that shut down his entire little system.  We’ll never understand why we were chosen to walk this road, but we trust in God’s plan for our lives and for Sterling’s little life.  It was short, but impacted many. Thank you for all your support, love and prayers.  We wouldn’t have been able to go through this without you guys by our side and we love you all.


I love you, sweet boy.  I’m so sorry for all the doctors, pricks, pokes, tubes, tests and scans. It killed us to see you that way, but truly, you’re a lucky boy.  You had a fast pass to heaven and now I know you’re at peace. No more pain, just peace.  Daddy and I will be here taking care of your sisters and brother, but we will be thinking about you every second of every day until we go home to be with you.  The Lord sent us an angel for Christmas and although it has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done to have to give you back, my son, I wouldn’t change having you for the world.

  Thank you for the 6 days we had with you.  I love being your mama, Sterling.

Silversmith

We are truly feeling the love and support and we are so grateful for all of you and your prayers.  I don’t have much of an update, but I wanted to let you know that our darling Sterling is currently stable and has been all day. 

I’m going to share a message that was sent to us today from one of our dearest friends:

“You know, the thing about Sterling silver, it’s put through a refining process that puts it through strong heat mixing, turmoil; impurities are taken out, at which point it becomes flawless. A mirror like finish to reflect the silversmith.”

I don’t know why this is happening, but I know God is good.  No matter what, He is good.  I know that He loves Sterling more than we ever could.  We are feeling the heat of the fire.  But I trust the Silversmith.


Thank you for continued prayers.