Sweet boy,

Last night, I dreamed of you. You were alive.

I remember you being sick but you were alive and well enough to be home with us. Your Mimi (my mom) came over to help me gather up all the kids and take you to a doctor’s appointment.

We were already behind schedule, but I decided to nurse you before we left, even though we would be running a few minutes late. I vividly remember this, almost as if it really happened.

You latched on to the right, while warm breast milk leaked out of the left and ran down my side, soaking my shirt. When you were full, I handed you to Mimi and laughed as I went to change my shirt before running out the door.

And then I woke up.

If this would’ve been real, I would’ve taken this moment for granted. But not having you here makes me appreciate the mundane and sometimes chaotic moments with my living children more than ever before.

Just another gift you’ve left behind, my darling son. Thank you for the ability to see the magic in little every day moments.

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