Just One

One day. We had you for one day, Sterling. Everything was normal. Your newborn exam was perfect. You nursed well. You cried when your swaddled opened up and the cold air hit your soft newbie skin.  It was pure bliss for one day.  21 hours to be more exact. 

This mama had no idea what heartbreak and turmoil was coming her way.  I’m so grateful that we had 21 hours of normalcy with you, to snuggle you and sniff your little newborn head.  21 hours before everything changed.  21 perfect, beautiful hours of you.  Some parents don’t even have that with their babies and I will be eternally grateful for this day.

Randy and I want to express our deepest gratitude for the amount of support we’ve received during the darkest time of our lives. ‘Thank you’ doesn’t even begin to cover it.  During this time, there have been little blessings sprinkled all throughout.  Sometimes, they have come in the form of love and support from friends, family, and even complete strangers.  And sometimes, they have come in the form of comedic relief- just funny, little things that have happened that brought laughter and joy to a painful situation.

I’m keeping a journal full of all the beautiful things that have come out of this nightmare and I would like to start sharing them with you soon. In the meantime, please know that every text, every call, every DM or PM, every comment, every prayer, every meal, every gift, every card, every donation, every share, even if we’re just on your mind, all of this means the world to us.  From the bottom of my shattered heart, thank you.

Photo taken December 5th, just an hour after birth.

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